Yes, I know some people have phobias they can’t help, but a phobia doesn’t force you to hate spiders or snakes or deep sea fish. I am completely baffled by people who just insist certain animals are horrible and wish they would all die rather than just wishing they weren’t scared of them.
And then there’s people with no “phobia” at all who still scream “KILL IT WITH FIRE” and the clickbait articles or even previously reputable science blogs feeding into that with “THIS NEWLY DISCOVERED TURTLE IS A NIGHTMARE FROM HELL!!!”
This is one thing I try very hard to nip in the bud with my students and one thing I’ll really be focusing on this season. I had a big wakeup call last fall during our pond class – I’d let the kids run around catching bugs in nets and putting them in buckets to examine and identity.
I thought it was all going really well… the kids had found tons of neat shit and were asking all kinds of questions about it. We even found a giant water beetle the size of my palm, which I couldn’t resist whipping out my phone to take a video of. As we were about to end class and return our finds to the water, this kid just… upturned the bucket onto the grass and stomped on the beetle, killing it.
I was stunned. I had no idea what to do or say. I barely managed to contain my fury and a number of expletives. Why the fuck had he done that? “It was gross,” was all he had to say.
So what? “Gross” is subjective. “Gross” isn’t a threat to you. “Gross” is not hurting you. If you are afraid of it, I understand. But your fear of it does not mean it has lost the right to exist, especially in a place where it is meant to be, where you are fully capable of avoiding it.
Working with and around phobias, I can do. Most people I know with insect or spider phobias, even children, recognize that they have a right to exist and that their fear is disproportionate. But the fact that “kill it with fire” is a normalized reaction to the strange or ugly upsets me greatly.
HENNYWAYS I’m arachnophobic and I hate spiders and they should all die
Hi @haml3t! As someone who used to have a severe phobia of dogs after being attacked twice as a child, I don’t appreciate your implication that I “have no clue” what it’s like. I very much do. However, we live in a world where hurting or killing dogs on sight is not encouraged or remotely socially acceptable, even if you hate and fear them intensely. If I were to say “HENNYWAYS I’m cynophobic and I hate dogs and they should all die”, nine out of ten people on the goddamn planet would be absolutely horrified, if not asking for my head on a platter.
No one is saying that you should feel ashamed for your phobia or just need to “get over it”. It’s rarely that easy – I spent years working through my panic reaction to dogs and am fortunate enough to have conquered it. I now really like dogs and am comfortable in my ability to discern between an active threat and a sweet pupper.
“I think it’s gross and scary because of the way that it is” is not an acceptable excuse to kill something that you can easily avoid and which is not posing a threat to you. If you think it is, then beating a dog I pass on the street would not be much different. After all, they’ve harmed me in the past, and might do harm to me again – and unlike spiders, they tend to run towards you seeking physical contact.
This dog recently showed up on my Facebook newsfeed. It looks very much like one that attacked me when I was a kid. It would be tasteless and offensive of me to comment something like “OMG KILL IT WITH FIRE!” and tell the owner how much I wish I could kill it, even if that’s how I felt. When I feared dogs, I avoided them, and did not feel the need to tell everyone who owned one how I thought the world would be better if they were all dead.
It sucks to have a phobia. It really does. I know this, and I know that it can impede your ability to enjoy and function in your everyday world. But while killing a spider in your bedroom or in your car is understandable, going out of your way to destroy them when they could easily be avoided, and telling everyone who likes them that they should all die is not an excusable expression of a phobia. It’s just being an asshole.
You’re not a bad person for having a phobia. It is however a bad thing to allow your personal irrational fears become the sole arbiter of what lives and what dies.
I thought I’d share: I was able to significantly reduce my fear of spiders by actively trying to think more compassionately about them. It started with looking at spiders online and trying to admire them. The tipping point was the jumping spider memes. Eventually I was able to ignore spiders in my house. They can stay in their little corners. Now I avoid killing them. It’s one of those times where I could combat my fear by using love. I still don’t trust myself enough to hold a tarantula without dropping the poor thing though.
ifesbob 