I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes.
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.
when i was a little kid i got bullied on the playground so my mom asked me “what did jesus do when people were mean to him?” and i thought about it for a second and then started crying and screamed “he DIED”
my mom has a friend who has a failed program-service dog and he’s literally my favorite creature
He’s a really smart lab, he learned all the commands, but he just has an affinity for doing them whenever he wants
So this lady’s dog literally turns on-off lights, opens doors, opens the fridge, etc… at his own wishes.
Her house looks like its baby-proofed, with kid safe locks on everything and stuff, but really she just has a dog that’s learned all the mobility service dog commands but has a mind of his own.
I’m working earlier and this guy comes in and seems anxious. We usually wait until people need help to ask, but he comes over and tells me, “I’m cosplaying Bowser and need spiked wristbands.” I immediately start heading towards the jewelry / accessories and try to strike up some friendly conversation
I respond, “Ah, cool. You doing NonCon at all?” remembering that our local convention is this coming weekend.
He looks at me super seriously and replies, “no, my friends and I are going go-karting downstairs and we’re all dressed up as Mario Kart characters.”
overheard a girl’s phone conversation on the bus where she angrily asked the person on the other line why she had to call on someone else’s phone – “why did you block my number?? yes you did! then why didn’t you answer my calls or texts???” and i was like damn, this girl is mad, i kinda feel bad for whoever she’s talking to. then she said “no, grandma, LISTEN” and i was like grandma, the fuck? how could you?
i am talking to a guy on facebook and he said ‘hey just to make it clear i’m only talking to you because you like naruto and stuff haha’ and i think i just got naruto zoned
friend did a crappy torrent of norton antivirus, the program successfully detected itself as a threat and deleted itself during a scan
…this is some greek tragedy level shit
Onetime my computer downloaded a virus antivirus program, and to get rid of it I downloaded a second one off the internet cause I was young and dumb. Long story short my computer froze for a month and finally boots back up and I found out that the two virus programs had actually killed each other in a sort of computer virus hunger games.
New show: bug wars. Viruses are added to an isolated machine where they fight it out for selfpropogative supremacy. Only one virus can win and their prize is being copied onto a memory stick and dropped in the atrium of a Trump building or security agency
Put braille on road signs so that blind people can drive
NO. OKAY. STORY TIME.
When I was 11, I looked up to my dad so hard. Regular daddys girl, etc etc. I believed damn near everything this man told me.
So, one day, I ask him, what the little bumps on the road are for. Without missing a beat, or cracking a smile, he tells me,
“That’s how blind people drive Sara.”
I stared at him in awe, because, shit, I didn’t know that! I sure as shit believed him though! I pressed for more, asking, well, “how do they know when to stop/go/turn/etc” literally everything I could think of, and he had an answer for every question without fail.
So, being 11, with new information, I go tell, EVERYONE AT HIS JOB (also where my mom works, and I help out sometimes)
You’d think, someone would have the decency, to tell me I was fuckin wrong
BUT NO
THEY ALL GO WITH IT.
20 SOME ODD ADULTS ALL GO WITH THIS WITHOUT NOTICE.
SOME EVEN ADD THINGS TO IT.
Finally,
Thankfully,
I came to my mother, so excited with my new information. I spill EVERYTHING that my dad told me, and all the other random shit.
She makes a face, a face of horror, and barely concealed emotion, before looking to my dad, who’d been following me around as I learned this information
And
He loses his mind.
Thought he was gonna fall over laughing.
Now, I pride myself on being a reasonably intelligent person, (at least I used to), but now, every so often when I’m riding with him, he’ll run over those bumps and say,
“Wait, I’m not blind! I don’t need those!”
e.e that was over 11 years ago, and I’ve never lived it down
When your mother was pregnant with you, she was losing her bone mass to build your skeleton. Your bone is literally your mother’s bone. Alhamdullilah.
The physiology of this works in the following way: calcium resorption increases in pregnant women so that calcium ions from the mother’s solid bones are put into the blood, passed through the placenta, and given to the fetus. Those calcium ions then get deposited into the developing skeleton of the fetus. Thus, you are literally built from your mother’s bones.
Good i didn’t ask for her ass to have me that’s why i stole her bones bitch
I told my mom this and with a blank face she said “give them back”
my waitress was pouring me more coffee and she said “sorry there such tiny cups” and I accidentally said “they sure are handsome little boys” and she just looked at me and walked away I don’t think I’m going to be able to look her in the eye for the rest of the meal or ever come back here again
ifesbob 