Children don’t choose their parents. If a child had the chance to decide who they would be born to, the world would be a very different place. Parents however, choose to have that child. Parents can abort, can adopt, can dump them on on the other parent or grandparents. When parents choose to keep their child, they’re making a conscious decision. They know when a child is born that it will require care, food, a roof over their heads, clothes and school supplies, medicine when they’re sick and trips to the doctor to keep them healthy. Parents make a decision to take on that responsibility when they keep a child.
Parents shouldn’t hold the basic necessities of a child over their heads. Children owe their parents nothing for fulfilling the responsibility that they chose to take. You take care of that child because you decided to instead of giving that responsibility to someone else. And if you do think your kid owes you something for being a child and having needs, they probably would have been better off with someone else anyways.
Tag: parenting
Anonymous asked: Wait, I signed up for a trans kid when I decided to become pregnant? Are you joking or are you really that crazy?
Hey there,
I’m not joking at all and I don’t really see how this would be a laughing matter to you.
Yes, you signed up for a trans kid. And while we are at it, you also signed up for a disabled kid. Autistic kid. Gay kid. A kid who doesn’’t look like you. A deaf kid. A kid who will have interests that don’t match up with yours at all. You signed up for a shy kid and a loud kid and a kid who wets the bed and a sick kid.
That’s the beauty, the miracle of parenthood, don’t you agree? You decide to care for a little person you don’t even know yet. You decide to open your heart and home to them, you promise to nuture and love and protect a tiny human being. How can you promise that, if not unconditionally?
You can’t pick and choose your kid. Maybe even more importantly, they can’t choose you. They depend on you to keep that promise – and not only if they live up to whatever expectations you had.
With all my love,
Tumblr Mom
So when a kid is laying on the floor in a shop screaming u get down to their level n say ohhh noooo darling don’t do that pleaaaase that’s naughty cmon get up be a good boy or girl. The kids gonna stop n get up lmao. U say if u don’t get up right now I’m gonna give ya a whip on the arse..1…2…n I bet they’ll get up.
No. You remove your child from the scene (because children are often reacting to overstimulation such as the grocery store is too loud, the room is too bright, there’s people they don’t know around, they’ve been there too long etc) and go somewhere quiet. You then sit with them as they cry, reassuring them that you are present, and once they have stopped crying you offer comfort and ask if they know what it is that they were so upset about. Then you calmly talk to them so they – and you – can understand and fix the problem that was the root of the tantrum.
Bad example;
‘Why are you crying?’
‘I’m hungry’
‘Well we’re going home soon!’Good example;
‘Do you know why you were crying?’
‘I’m hungry’
‘We’re at the grocery store to get food. We only have three more aisles to go. We can count them down together. Then we’ll go home and we can eat.’Children don’t understand ‘soon’; even for adults, ‘soon’ is a relative term. children understand things like ‘three aisles. Two. One. Now we’re going home!’
Children need communication, understanding and teaching. Not beating, intimidating or belittling.
Get therapy.
Children don’t choose their parents. If a child had the chance to decide who they would be born to, the world would be a very different place. Parents however, choose to have that child. Parents can abort, can adopt, can dump them on on the other parent or grandparents. When parents choose to keep their child, they’re making a conscious decision. They know when a child is born that it will require care, food, a roof over their heads, clothes and school supplies, medicine when they’re sick and trips to the doctor to keep them healthy. Parents make a decision to take on that responsibility when they keep a child.
Parents shouldn’t hold the basic necessities of a child over their heads. Children owe their parents nothing for fulfilling the responsibility that they chose to take. You take care of that child because you decided to instead of giving that responsibility to someone else. And if you do think your kid owes you something for being a child and having needs, they probably would have been better off with someone else anyways.
Louder for the people in the back
I remember talking to someone who said “I can’t handle when kids get so worked up over dumb things, like a papercut is the worst thing to ever happen to them”
if they’re 3-4, hopefully it IS the worst thing to ever happen to them. out of nowhere there’s hurt, there’s red, there’s BLOOD??? FROM A PAPER?? of course they’re flipping out jesus christ wouldn’t you
i feel like such a huge part of dealing with and loving the babies is understanding what that post said: everything is new to them. sometimes it’s fun and amazing (seeing snow, touching a baby chick) but sometimes it’s very overwhelming.
imagine a carnival, a mall, a loud crowded place, having never experienced it before.
a thing I hear in teaching a lot is “little people have big emotions. it’s our job to create calm, not add to their chaos”
of all the things I’ve made, said, or put in text that hit 1k, this is the best one
Honestly one of the greatest cruelties I can imagine is taking a child, who is full of absolute wonder at all of the incredible things in the world, and their ability to experience all this fantastic stuff, and stamp it out.
Of course a kid gets excited seeing snow! It’s a wonder of physics, meteorology, and nature, and we can, through a happy miracle of our planet’s place and ten billion years of evolution, recognize it for the wonder it is!
Of course a kid gets upset at a paper cut! They hurt! They’re discovering pain, and they see their own blood, and they realize instinctively that this is A Bad Thing! They are terrified by this, and trying to convey that!
Don’t be dismissive of children’s wonder and emotions.
The only people to blame for children under the age of 10 having “addictions” to smart phones, tablets, and technology in general is the parents. I don’t want to hear people complain about their 4 year old knowing how to play with the settings on their ipad. You put the iPad in your kid’s life. You gave a 4 year old their own ipad. They learned to use it. You did that. It’s your fault. Don’t blame kid’s for poor parenting, incompetence, and laziness when it comes to raising children.
Tell your kids things
Tell them a certain disease runs in the family
Tell them alcoholism runs in the family and who and why
Tell them mental illness runs in the family and who and what and why
Tell them drug addiction runs in the family
Don’t let your kids grow up blind. Face issues blind. Don’t let them grow up thinking they are the only ones.
While sitting in his high-chair, your baby drops the spoon. You get up, pick it up from the floor, give it back to Baby – only for him to throw it away on purpose.
If this scene sounds familiar to you, you might wonder why he does that. Is he rebellious and tries to upset you on purpose? Does he have a really silly kind of humor? No and no. In fact, your baby is busy conducting his very first scientific experiments. His brain is starting to understand two important concepts.
The first one is called “Cause and Effect”: When i throw away the spoon, mom picks it up. When i do it again, she does it again. Oh, yay!
The second is called “Object permanence”: When i throw away the spoon, it disappears – No, it doesn’t, mom picks it up! It’s still there, even when i can’t see it!
To fully grasp these concepts, your baby needs to repeat those experiments again and again and again. That’s annoying to you – but try to smile at your little scientist!
My child is autistic. He doesn’t do well with change. Even little things that would be meaningless to most people.
For example, his hairbrush was getting old and worn. He had chewed the end of it. The cats had chewed some bristles. It was dirty and dusty. But I didn’t say anything. Because it’s his hairbrush.
Finally, he said he thinks it’s time for a new brush. Ok, I say, we’ll put it on the shopping list, and get one next time we’re in town.
So we go to town and we go to the store. There are many hairbrushes to choose from. He picks one and they even have it in his favorite color. We buy it, take it home, and remove the packaging.
I go to put it on the shelf where the old hairbrush is. Can we throw out the old one, I ask.
That’s when he stops. That’s when he freezes and gets a momentary look of panic on his face. Throw out the old one? That hadn’t occurred to him.
Because here’s the thing. Hair brushing is a part of his morning routine. And not just hair brushing, but hair brushing with that particular brush. To most people, the act of hair brushing is the routine, but not the brush itself. The objects are interchangeable. But not to my child. Not to someone with autism. The brush itself is just as important as the act of brushing.
So I take a breath. I put the old brush down. Think about it, I say. Let me know tomorrow what you want to do with this brush.
He decides. He realizes keeping an old hairbrush is not necessary. But it’s still important to him. So he asks if I can cut off one bristle. To keep. As a memory of the old hairbrush.
I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I cut off the bristle. He puts it in his treasure box, along side some smooth rocks, beads, sparkly decals, a Santa Claus charm from a classmate, a few other things meaningful to him.
He throws the old hairbrush away himself. He is able to move on, and accept the change.
This is a great way to help an autistic person move on properly, instead of forcing them to get rid of it you let them use their own method and left them feeling safe. Congrats fam👏👏
For me hyper empathy is also part of this and I have to like, grieve for things like this. And approaching it that way, as grief, as legitimate bereavement instead of pushing myself to treat it the way NT’s in my life had taught me (dismissive, mockery, “it’s just a hairbrush wtf why are you like this”) has really helped in these kinds of situations.
I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need.
I wish I’d had this kind of understanding and safety in my childhood. It teaches you how to be safe and understanding to yourself.
ifesbob 