Seeing unhealthy patterns in your family and deciding that those pattens end with you and will not be passed down to future generations is an extremely brave and powerful decision.
Forgive yourself for repeating what was taught to you as a child, then put the conscious effort into deprogram these patterns.
rebecca hazelton is a published writer but can’t even manage to write convincing dialogue for a toddler
truly amazing
this is my favorite response to her bullshit tweet
Kids say spooky shit like this all the time when they’re really little, though. Usually, it’s stream of consciousness exactly like that while processing ideas. “Everyone dies one day.” Concept the kid has learned. “Everyone.” Reiterating who dies, though they probably don’t include themselves in that definition of “everyone.” “Even wolves.” Wolves are living things, kid is processing that all living things die. “But not books.” Books are not living things. Books don’t die. “Not words.” Words are not tangible objects, and people keep talking after other people die, so death does not affect words. Final verdict? “Words don’t die.”
It’s one of these things that sounds super profound to us as adults, but that’s because we’re putting our own, deeper meaning on what was a much less philosophical construct. This kid could very well have said all of these sentences in this very order. But they were listing what does and doesn’t die while trying to understand death. They weren’t making some statement about the soul of literature. Our adult brains are inserting that meaning, then declaring that no child could ever have used those words as they cannot apply to anything but our interpretation of them.
Like, it *could* be made up, but declaring that it *must* be made up based on our own perception is just adult egotism dismissing the notion that children are fully capable of utilizing words that we would use. They are. They’re just more concerned with communicating with themselves than with others, because they’re trying to understand the world.
That sounds exactly like a thing my son would have said at age 3. So does “poo broccoli”. Not only would he have said both of those things, he would have said them right in a row, and not seen any issue with this.
People who think this is fake have never met a kid.
i learned that according to a study, strict parents can turn their kids into more effective liars because children who are afraid to tell the truth learn more deceptive behaviors to avoid getting in trouble (x)
Love how a lot of “autistic parenting problems” can get fixed by just using your brain:
“my autistic child doesnt like hugs” so don’t hug them, that will be 150 dollars
“My autistic child had a meltdown in a busy grocery store” so don’t bring them to a busy grocery store
“My autistic child is a picky eater” So give them the food they like but also encourage them to try new food in fun positive ways
“My autistic child only want to wear the same shirt everyday” so let them wear the same shirt everyday
“My autistic child claims loud noises hurt their ears.” So turn the goddamn noise down, Susan!
some of this definitely tracks but a lot of the time it’s not as simple as that. if you’re a single parent with an autistic child, and you can’t afford childcare, you can’t just leave your kid at home alone while you get food. sometimes taking children to places that they don’t like is 100% necessary. however, something that might help in this situation is giving the child clear information beforehand about what is going to happen, letting them know they are heard, and telling them exactly what is expected of them and how long it will last:
we have to go to the grocery store. i know that you don’t like it there because [anything they have said before about why it makes them upset] and i don’t either, but we have to do it. we are leaving at x time, so you have until then to [transition from what they were doing before]. when we are there, you need to walk next to me/hold my hand/(maybe give them a task such as counting how many types of fruit they can see in the store, a small activity to do, or a stim toy. keeping them grounded and entertained is good). it will take y amount of time, and then it will be over and we can come back home and you can do z [special interest related activity or other reward that will recharge their nd batteries after a draining experience]
autistic children grow up to be autistic adults. sooner or later they will have to go into a grocery store, maybe on their own, maybe every week, for their whole adult life. acclimatising them to knowing how grocery stores work from a reasonably young age, helping them learn that grocery stores are not scary, and that if they are scary they are at least endurable and that trips there don’t last forever, is going to be far more effective and helpful in the long run than simply teaching children that if they don’t like something they don’t have to do it. coping strategies are far more useful than avoidance for situations that are necessary.
i am saying this as an autistic adult, who was an autistic child, and who has very specific difficulties with grocery shopping myself, before anyone comes for me calling me neurotypical or whatever.
listen, I’m not the biggest fan of kids but if a child looks at me then you bet I’m gonna smile back at them. kids deserve to experience the world as a kind and safe place to explore okay.
rewatching the og animaniacs i thought “wow this show must have made kids really obnoxious” and that’s great! i think we need more children’s programming that turns the kids watching into smartasses and nuisances. there’s nothing wrong with that
ifesbob 