it’s time once again to talk about weird animals, and Halloween is approaching fast.
with that in mind, lets get,,,
with a denizen of the deep sea.
eek!
meet the Spookfish, more properly known as the Barreleye. it can be found in the lightless depths of temperate and tropical seas worldwide. it’s about six inches long, rarely encountered by humans and oh did I mention that its eyes are on the inside of its own fucking face
JEEPERS CREEPERS WHERE’D YOU GET THOSE PEEPERS
yup. those green things.
JEEPERS CREEPERS WHERE’D YOU GET THOSE EYES
those are its eyeballs. which as you can see, are completely on the inside of its head. which is kind of a weird place to keep your eyeballs, if you ask me.
SPOOOOOOOOOOOKY
okay I confess that strictly speaking, while this huge weirdo’s eyeballs are on the inside of its own face, they aren’t technically inside its head. the clear dome containing the eyeballs is actually an extension of skin and connective tissue; the Barreleye’s actual skull is underneath those nightmare eyeballs.
no, that doesn’t really make it better
the Barreleye’s smaragdine orbs are incredibly light sensitive, able to detect the faint glow of the small shrimp and invertebrates they eat even in absolute darkness. their big ol’ peepers are usually pointing straight up to look for food higher in the water column, but the Barreleye can point them forward as well. (don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t THINK ABOUT IT)
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
alright well while it’s too late to save your brain from that mental image, you can at least be reassured that Barreleyes only rarely interact with humans (usually in the form of hapless marine biologists). but still, they’re down there, somewhere.
near-invisible wraiths who haunt in total darkness, seizing their prey with their fanged arms and distracting their enemies with bioluminescent…
oh, what? that doesn’t sound like a typical vampire, you say?
well, that’s because I’m talking about the…
who does all of these, and more
found only in the abyssal deeps, the Vampire Squid is neither a squid or an octopus, but something archaic doomed to forever haunt the veil between. OOOoooOOOoooh!
something unspeakable- squid, but not squid.
its foot-long gelatinous body is usually black or red, with haunting blue eyes and 8 tentacle arms lined with barbs connected by a thick web of skin. it glides through the water silently by flapping the two small fins on the sides of its head like the wings of a bat. just like a real vampire.
though if it bites you I’m reasonably sure you won’t turn into one
to add to this formidable weaponry, the vampire squid is almost completely covered in light-producing photophores which it uses to blind, misdirect, and confuse other predators. just like a real vampire
creatures of the night, obey me now and watch this sick lightshow
in fact, one of its favorite tricks is to fake a pair of glowing eyes with its photophores, creating two bright dots on the back of its head that quickly diminish in size, giving the optical illusion that the squid is quickly getting farther away and escaping. just like a real vampire
VOOSH! I AM ESCAPING! DO NOT FOLLOW.
if these attempts fail, the Vampire Squid’s last ditch defense is to literally turn itself inside out and become spikes.
no, seriously. they raise their cloak webbed arms up and over their body, presenting their attacker with the realization that this delicious spooky snack has suddenly become a football made of spikes
just like a real- okay, we’ll stop now. this is a little too weird even for us
so the next time you happen to be passing through the Low-Oxygen Zone between 2,000-3,000 ft in a temperate or tropical ocean , and you see a faint, glimmering light approaching…
today, I will introduce you to the largest bony fish currently living on this planet. they are active, deep-diving predators and excellent distance swimmers. adults can reach lengths of ten feet and weights of over 5,000 pounds. when they collide with boats, the boats often come off worse.
what are you picturing now? maybe a tuna? a swordfish?
those are all valid guesses, but you’re all WRONG AHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. LOOK AT IT. LOOK.
meet the Mola mola, or Ocean Sunfish. (we prefer Mola mola, honestly, it’s so much more fun to say. Mola mola. Mola molamolamola.)
Mola mola are the largest bony fish in the world (as opposed to the boneless fish, which can usually be found frozen in stick form in your nearest supermarket). adults are HUUUUUUGE and roughly disc-shaped. they can easily grow to 10′x12′, which are usually dimensions you only use if you’re talking about flooring.
yes lovely but does it come in a tile pattern?
the Mola mola is also notable for its ‘unique body plan’, which is Science for “jesus that’s a weird fucking fish”. most of its body consists of its giant fucking head, and it lacks a tail of any sort. instead, the Mola molamolamola gets around by flapping its dorsal and ventral fins (top and bottom. Science just likes to feel special.) like the wings of a butterfly.
A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY
this might seem like a really dumb way to get around, but the Mola molamolamola (sorry, I’ll stop) makes it work. they can cross thousands of miles of open water at its slower cruising speed of 2 entire mph, but they are also capable of wiggling those fins fast enough to hurl themselves completely out of the water like a giant, horrifying Frisbee.
(in fact, Mola mola breaches can be a problem in some areas, as they aren’t very good at watching where they land and sometimes end up capsizing small boats. whoopsie!)
COWABUNGAAAAAAAA
the Mola mola eats mostly jellyfish and any other soft-bodied animal or plant it can fit into its ravenous horror beakmouth. they descend deep into the icy depths to hunt these soft boneless lunches, sometimes going deeper than 2,600 feet! can YOU do that?! no. you cannot.
after they have slaked their endless thirst for what are basically just organic plastic bags, the Mola molas return to the surface. there, they bask in the sunlight to raise their body temperatures. this is where the term ‘sunfish’ came from. (also at this point, they are sometimes struck by boats as fish are not capable of understanding nautical right of way.)
NO, YOU YIELD!
this basking habit is also unfortunate because it makes the Mola mola a giant, fish-shaped target floating around in open water. they are regularly eaten by sharks, sea lions, killer whales, and, uh…
humans.
oh yes, my regular predators include two marine apex predators and a bipedal ape. thanks, evolution.
Mola mola are regularly caught in huge numbers, and are now in decline worldwide. THIS IS NOT ALLOWED.
the recent creation of marine preserves does give some hope for the future of the Mola molamolamolamola, though there is still a lot of work needed to restrain overfishing.
hopefully these big big weirdos will continue to populate our oceans long into the future.
it’s time to talk about a weird animal again here at bunjywunjy dot tumblr dot com (my house), and what better way to begin the new year than with an inspirational survivor to motivate us all with its sheer bullheaded tenacity?
you see, this animal has been around a very, very, very, VERY long time.
it’s called the Coelacanth, and it’s your grandma.
SEE-la-kanth. say it right sonny, my ears aren’t what they used to be
Coelacanths are the oldest form of lobe-finned fishes on the planet. their relatives first appeared 400 million years ago, and immediately made themselves famous by being the very first vertebrates to wiggle onto dry land. (they immediately wiggled right the fuck back into the water, as they had forgotten to evolve lungs first)
these fishes later evolved those weirdly buff fins into actual legs and developed into the first true land animals, though tragically they lack the Coelacanth’s roguish sense of style.
there’s a lot of stumpy little legs in this picture
while these lobe-finned fish did go on to become literally all land-dwelling vertebrates ever INCLUDING YOU, the Coelacanth was content to retain its fishy shape and continue on as it always had. for 400 fucking million years.
they probably barely even noticed all those major extinction events. meteor who?
it’s coelaCAN, not coelaCAN’T.
today, Coelacanths are still more closely related to you than they are to most other fish. think of it as the weird cousin that never gets invited to the mammal family reunion.
the Coelacanth’s relationship to land vertebrates has long been known from fossils, but Science believed it had gone extinct sometime in the Cretaceous period more than 60 million years ago. so imagine Science’s surprise when a live Coelacanth was pulled up by a fishing trawler in 1938, off the coast of South Africa.
surpriiiiiiise! bet you thought you’d seen the last of me
this makes them the first ever example of a Lazarus Taxon (which is an absolutely badass phrase that would make a damn good name for a rock band), meaning it’s an evolutionary line we thought was extinct but they lived, bitch.
today, the Coelacanth is known to live in the Indian and South African oceans, where they thrive in deep water far away from the prying eyes of their nosy hairless ape relatives.
they are mostly active at night and can grow to be 6 and a half feet long, and live more than 60 years. they don’t have much personality, but BOY are they tenacious.
I make up for it with my stunning good looks
Coelacanths mostly drift with the current, eating whatever happens to pass by that’s smaller than they are. this just goes to show that laziness does pay off in the long run!
it’s a valid survival strategy, MOM.
Coelacanths don’t have many natural predators, as they taste completely disgusting. sharks are pretty much the only predator who will give it a try, but sharks also eat outboard motors and license plates so that’s really not saying much.
all that aside, these ancient fish can motivate us to face the challenges of the new year. just remember, if a weird fish with demi-legs can survive for 400 million years on the benefits of laziness and just being kind of weird and disgusting, so can you!
hey everybody, welcome to the very first Wierd Biology Redux!
so you think you want to know more about the Ocean Sunfish, or Mola Mola(molamolamola), hmmm? can’t say I blame you. they are pretty great.
so without further ado, let’s bring this ship back around and learn a few more facts about these majestic idiots and their relatives!
there are actually three seperate species in the Mola genus, including our old friend the Ocean Sunfish. These are: *DRUMROLL*
Mola mola, the Ocean Sunfish (big ‘n lumpy)
Mola ramsayi, the Southern Sunfish (sleek n’ pretty)
and Mola tecta, the Hoodwinker Sunfish (big n’ full of secrets)
the Ocean Sunfish and Hoodwinker Sunfish are about the same size, reaching up to ten feet in length and weighing up to two tons (BIG boys, absolutely enormous, 10/10).
the Southern Sunfish is significantly slimmer and more obscure, though it also reaches lengths of around ten feet.
the Hoodwinker Sunfish was discovered only recently through genetic analysis. it is so named because it had been ‘hiding in plain sight’ for years, almost identical to the Southern Sunfish except for its size.
(I disagree, scientists are merely unobservent. look at those pictures. those fish look nothing alike. they probably don’t even speak the same language. but do scientists care? nnOOOoo.)
ANYWAY back on topic, here’s some videos of Molas swimming around like adorable morons. I love them.
and finally, we’ll close with a video that I really couldn’t figure out what to do with. look at it. who even does that? don’t do that.
(it’s funny as shit, though)
anyway I hope you enjoyed our brief return to Mola Molamolamola today.
This photo is a tad eerie, I think. If you look towards the left side of the main iceberg in this image, you may see a large, disgruntled face.
Of course, we can confirm that icebergs do not have faces. This is simply a trick of the mind known as pareidolia; where our brains find seemingly significant patterns in images or sounds.
The photograph was taken in Antarctica in Collins Bay between Barros Rocks and Berthelot Island (approx. 65° 19.474′S, 64° 15.560′W).
ifesbob 