ao3tagoftheday:

Hi. Hello. Friend. Are you listening to me? Look me in the eyes (metaphorically). Pay attention. Ok? Ok.

Sex should not fucking hurt

Never. Under any circumstances. Not your first time, not your hundredth time. It should not hurt.

(Unless you’re into that, obviously. In which case it should hurt only in specific, well-controlled, and pre-negotiated ways.)

If someone tells you that having sex will hurt or should hurt, they can go fuck themselves. They are making excuses.

If something hurts, stop. Tell your partner to stop. Add more lube. Try more foreplay. Change positions. Do something different. You deserve better than lying there being in pain because you think there’s nothing you can do about it.

Sometimes, people have medical conditions that cause sex to be painful. That’s no one’s fault. If sex is consistently uncomfortable for you, talk to your doctor. You deserve better than tolerating persistent discomfort because your body isn’t cooperating with you.

Sometimes, people have anxiety or trauma which causes their bodies to tense, thereby making sex painful and difficult. That’s no one’s fault (or, in the case of trauma, it’s the fault of whoever inflicted that trauma). If sex is anxiety-inducing for you, see a therapist. You deserve better than anxiety that makes sex painful when it should be pleasurable.

Sometimes, people’s partners are careless or thoughtless or malicious, and don’t pay attention when their partner is in pain. That’s the fault of the person ignoring their partner’s needs. If your partner won’t stop when you’re in pain, stop having sex with that person. You deserve a partner who values you and is attentive to your needs.

I’ve gotten this question before, and I’m sure I’ll get it again. So I want this on the record:

You should not be thinking about how to minimize the pain you experience during sex. You deserve sex that does not hurt. Got it?