executive dysfunction is telling yourself for two and a half hours that you need to shower bc you smell like your workplace and you absolutely Cannot do Anything Else until you shower, doing Any Other Thing before showering is illegal!!! but you still haven’t for some reason??? you’ve just been sitting on your bed in a towel scrolling tumblr for 2+ hours thinking “I need to shower right now immediately” and growing increasingly frustrated that you are still not clean and you haven’t eaten or done your laundry either
ok actually no I’m reblogging this because a) I am clean now (and I smell amazing, thank you), and b) I had a heckin Realize and I wanted to share it with y’all in the hopes it’ll help someone else with a brain like mine.
I figured something out about myself a long time ago– it’s only just now occurred to me that I was in fact solving a problem caused by executive dysfunction, and I haven’t been implementing this solution lately because my brain went “that’s a relatively new term to me and therefore a Different problem that requires a Different solution”. thanks a lot, brain.
anyway, long long ago, before I knew these fancy schmancy Official words, the problem, as I phrased it to myself, was such:
sometimes I get Stuck. I was doing something, or on my way to doing something, and then… I just. got stuck.
“Stuck” looks like refreshing my feed or dashboard repeatedly. or it looks like staring at a spot on the wall. or chewing my fingernails. or picking at a stubborn sticker. all the while, my brain drifts through various unrelated topics I wouldn’t be able to recall if asked. sometimes I can get Stuck for hours before realizing I am Stuck. sometimes I get so Stuck that I go to bed that way (feeling especially bad for being unproductive) and I have to just reset everything by sleeping.
one day I asked myself, “why is this happening? why am I stuck, right now, at this moment in time?” the answer, as it turns out, was pretty simple: I was trying to make a decision, and I got distracted. I haven’t moved forward because I haven’t answered that one question or made up my mind.
let me rephrase this in terms of executive dysfunction: many people have expressed that it feels like knowing you need to do a thing but not feeling “ready” to do it. many with ADHD may also be familiar with the feeling of needing things to be “just so” before you embark on a task- you need your setup to look a certain way, or you need to set a timer, or have the right music playing, etc.
when I get Stuck it’s often because I got lost somewhere in that setting-up process, and my brain took the opportunity to nyoom off into Distraction Town.
getting myself Unstuck is solved, 95% of the time, by tracing my steps back to the original decision I was trying to make- often something small and inane- and then troubleshooting from there. (out loud! verbal processing is totally punk.)
“what was I trying to do?”
“was I trying to decide between two things?”
(the answer’s usually yes.)
“what were they?”
“okay, let’s decide.
“okay, that’s settled. let’s move on.”
and then I am free as a bird to nyoom in the direction of The Thing I Wanted To Do All Along, in the amazingly disorganized, scattered, yet rapid-fire way that I do many things.
so!!! in the case of my first post, where I hadn’t showered for 2 hours? turns out I had been trying to decide what music to listen to in the shower. (another hack: my chances of getting Stuck while showering decrease by 75% if I have music playing to help me keep track of time.) I couldn’t immediately make up my mind, got lost in thought, got distracted, and drifted. once I stopped and asked- “why am I stuck?”- then I remembered- “oh yeah! I wanted to listen to music”- and then decided- “I want to listen to Daft Punk’s Discovery album”- I was finally heckin able to shower. and also eat, and also throw my clothes in the dryer.
and may I add I only zoned out once, during the slow part of “One More Time.” 😛
I’m not saying this is a foolproof method. sometimes I don’t have a reason for being stuck, and that’s okay! I’m also not saying this is how every adhd brain works. it’s just how my brain works, and I’m sure there’s at least a few who can relate. for those few, I hope this helps!!
a lot of people are reblogging the original post without the update and leaving frustrated comments and that makes me sad! if I can find ways to hack my brain than so can you! executive dysfunction is a real and frustrating challenge, but don’t buy the lie that there’s no way to work with it or around it!!!
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The overlap between the “expecting 5 year olds to sit at a desk all day is ridiculous” crowd and the “ADHD is a hoax to sell meds” crowd is really kinda.. disappointing honestly. Because like, we can have both ADHD being legitimate AND not treating children like adults (in that sense, anyway).
me talking to a neurotypical: sorry to switch topics again… this is sort of related, but only kind of…. i know its kind of random, but…..
me talking to someone else with adhd:
Like, you still have to specify you’re starting something new, but it’s like “OH SPEAKING OF [either the unrelated thing or something that doesn’t even seem related to the new topic]” and they understand.
We don’t need to explain to our siblings that our brains went down a rabbit trail and now we’re talking about 18th century underwear instead of the rise of communism in south america.
We just move on together.
I have a couple of very dear ADHD friends, and I can say “OH SPEAKING OF [tangentially related to a thing we were talking about three days ago/thing that is Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon from current topic/etc]” and they just … get it?
Like, I’ll start to explain “That probably seems unrelated, but-” and the thought process, and they’ll be like “No, I totally saw where you were going with that”.
It’s such a RELIEF talking with people who get it.
reminder that adhd and autism arent the only neurodevelopmental disorders, and that we should extend our support, language, and resources to people with motor disorders, tourettes, down syndrome, speech disorders, schizophrenia, and dyslexia
any other adhders out there that try and “bookmark” thoughts that you would like to think about when you’re done thinking about the thing you’re currently thinking about but you forget what the thing you wanted to think about was
Before a class starts, I take a piece of paper out of my notebook and title it “Junk Thoughts”.
So at any point during the lecture, if I have any of those ADHD thoughts:
I need to send x an email about y.
I should really do the dishes.
That would be a good D&D plotline.
When is x person getting married?
Who killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand?
I can write them down and go back to focusing on the lecture. Sometimes I’ll go back to that list and I won’t actually need those thoughts, but it’s good to have a list just in case.
Not sure why ADHD is trending on Twitter, but sure, here’s my big post about ADHD, because now it’s too long to be a Twitter thread (ADHD, amirite?):
ADHD has possibly THE most inaccurate name for a medical condition:
Dysregulation of attention, not deficit. We focus MORE intensely than neurotypicals on things that have caught our attention, because our neurotransmitter receptors (e.g., dopamine) developed atypically. But we struggle with switching tasks, because of this.
Inattentive-type ADHD won’t be as obvious, because it’s not the “physically disruptive boy child” stereotype.
Yes, it is a real neurodevelopmental condition, and yes, the medical community knows what it is.
No, not everybody “is a little bit ADHD.” Saying that shows that you haven’t educated yourself about the condition.
It usually manifests very differently for women, & MANY medical professionals aren’t informed about that.
Letting a child’s ADHD go undiagnosed and untreated leads to a VERY high risk of adulthood co-morbid anxiety & depression.
Letting someone’s ADHD go undiagnosed also leads to VERY high risk of addiction, because addictive substances trigger a fast release of dopamine, and the reward centers of our brains desperately need dopamine to live a happy & fulfilling life.
Black kids are 70% less likely (and Latinx kids 50% less likely) to be diagnosed than their white peers, because the most noticeable behaviors are attributed to willful misbehaving defiance, as opposed to a neurological cause.
This contributes to higher suspension rates for Black and Latinx kids, and higher likelihood of entering juvenile detention systems.
The misdiagnosis-to-prison pipeline is very real, with some neuroscience studies estimating that 40% of inmates in the US have ADHD.
Stigmatizing pharmaceutical treatments is harmful, because it inhibits people from accessing treatment.
Stimulant medications do not affect people with ADHD the same way they do for neurotypicals. They have a calming and focusing effect on folks with ADHD (unless co-morbid anxiety, depression, or other co-morbid conditions interfere)
Many folks with ADHD struggle to even remember to take their meds, and the most commonly prescribed treatments now have a time-delay mechanism that helps limit the risk of addiction.
Getting diagnosed as an adult made me cry, out of relief. I finally had an explanation, & I could forgive myself.
I am perpetually hyper-aware of how “not normal” I am in social interactions. I go through life feeling like an alien, every day.
This can lead to a perpetual cycle of self-isolation and self-consciousness, along with other maladaptive coping mechanisms.
Many symptoms that occur with Autism can also occur with ADHD: sensory overload, hyper-fixation/hyperfocus, directness, rejection of societal norms, emotional dysregulation.
The reason people with ADHD seem like they make every conversation about themselves is because they are trying to make genuine connections with other humans and stay actively engaged in the topic. Anything else seems superficial, disingenuous, and meaningless. People with ADHD seek genuine connection, and we are trying very hard to make that connection with you.
As with Autism, people with ADHD frequently reject society-imposed notions of gender and sexuality. These societal constructs are fairly useless, frequently harmful, and honestly feel contrived, awkward, and silly. I’m not just making that up. There is a VERY high correlation between gender dysphoria and ADHD (as well as Autism).
The reason I have to write everything down is because my working memory basically doesn’t exist.
The reason we interrupt in conversation sometimes is because we literally won’t remember what we need to say by the time someone finishes talking.
I forget someone’s name before they even finish their sentence. There are a million other things happening in my brain as I am trying to navigate a social situation.
Folks with ADHD can struggle with “Information Retrieval,” which is ironic for me, considering my PhD research focus. The information is THERE, however, and if there is an external stimulus to trigger, my brain can access and retrieve the information that I have stored.
So many folks who have ADHD struggle when they are put on the spot, unexpectedly. They can’t just conjure something out of thin air, so none of their words come out right, and then they will feel like an imposter.
It’s not all bad stuff. The running joke is that people with ADHD don’t just “think outside of the box”…they throw the entire box out, and provide innovative solutions that many wouldn’t have considered.
ADHD is highly-correlated with innovation, entrepreneurship, physical accomplishment, and artistry (e.g., Bill Gates, Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Jim Carrey, John Mulaney)
We have so many hobbies, hidden talents, and interests…and we’re VERY enthusiastic about ALL of them. They used to have a word for folks like that, and there’s a reason scientists have postulated that Leonardo da Vinci very likely had ADHD.
I can detect someone else who has ADHD or Autism almost immediately (even if they don’t know it), & immediately form bonds with them. I don’t make the rules. It just happens. And I find it very refreshing to interact with folks who are neurodivergent, because I can let my guard down and just be myself.
this is the first time i heard about the information retrieval thing and god, it’s such a relief that that’s a thing and not just me being broken. i mean it is me being broken but not in a way specific to me
ok not to be adhd on main but if you even JOKINGLY make fun of me for my interests thats it. i wont ever be able to trust you again because im positive youre constantly judging me and making fun of me behind my back. thats just the way it is!!
to all the people vaguing people in the tags: get better friends
it ABSOLUTELY is, adhd and autistic experiences overlap so so much and i have both so this post is solidarity
i would absolutely rather be mildly annoyed by happy people enjoying stuff im not into than miserable people who feel embarrassed about everything they do. ill take a million superwholock kids any day over 1 weirdo adult who enjoys making people feel bad
high schoolers watching shows you dont like really isnt that deep
What happens when those kids grow up and no one tells them they need to put a filter on that shit around strangers? I work with one who is never going to hold a good job until she learns to STFU about fandom stuff in the real world.
so you think the solution is shaming kids into shutting up about their interests? it’s not the job of strangers on the internet to teach ppl how to manage the real world, trying to do that through cringe culture is just picking on them.
let them have fun. if they’re not allowed to talk about it irl, and they’re not allowed to talk about it on the internet, what do you expect them to do?
You guys are well aware cringe culture primarily targets autistic kids, right? Mocking their special interests is in fact traumatising
Hell I almost stopped liking Undertale because of it
Shut up ableists
also, adhd. at this point i can control how much i talk about my hyperfixations, but i’m so scared of being annoying that i don’t do it as much as i’d like to, even online.
let ppl be happy. cringe culture fucks up autistic and adhd kids by forcing them not to talk about their interests literally anywhere.
Neurotypicals do not ever shut the fuck up about football I think you all can handle someone being excited over a tv show
Wild idea: What if we, as a culture, do not act like assholes to people who are enjoying a thing? Who gives a fuck? If you’re saying you’ve never annoyed someone with something you were interested in, I guarantee you are mistaken.
Let people like what they like. Try to find some joy in something regardless of if you think it’s silly or “cringey” instead of being a resentful twit about others being excited. Life is too fucking short and you could die tomorrow. Enjoy things. Be kind.
It’s not that fucking complicated: Don’t be a dick.
It’s also not usually a crime to talk about fandom at work.
Like y’all never had convos about ‘have you seen the new marvel movie?’ ‘Did you see The Voice last night?’ During breaks or quiet moments
Superwholock people were (are?) typically teenagers are young adults going through a phase. I know, because I went through a similar one!
Is it highly annoying if you’re not the one in the eye of the storm? Yes! Does that mean you should shame them? No! Leave them the fuck alone! You’ve got a blocking system – use it!
It’s going to be cringey enough for them when they look back on it in later life. They don’t need constipated fun vampires kicking them in the shins too.
This idea that people “need” cringe culture in order to “learn” how to be worth respecting also reeks of the same bullshit abusers say day in and day out.
People don’t “need” to be hurt in order to learn or grow. If something isn’t workplace appropriate, you bring up why it’s not workplace appropriate (i.e. fandom clothing is generally not considered professional, so they’d need to follow the dress code. Talking about fanservicey anime might not be appropriate either, due to it leaning on sexual jokes or what not – if someone tried talking to me about Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt, I wouldn’t say “ugh that shit’s gross and dumb so you’re gross and dumb for liking it” I’d say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this at work” or something similar.
Cringe culture is inherently abusive because it’s based on abusive control tactics. I’d 100% prefer happy, healthy and safe people who are mind numbingly obnoxious to people who seem to have good manners on the surface but are spending so much energy policing themselves that they can’t let anyone in ever again.
Everything @littlestarprincess said, plus the fact that autistic kids are often subjected to medical torture in order to make them “normal” and cringe culture endorses that by pushing the idea that it’s okay to make someone suffer in order to make them “normal” IE less annoying. Cringe culture is crowdsourced ABA.
Somebody who shoots down people’s happiness is WAY more unpleasant to deal with than somebody who gets a little overexcited about Avatar or whatever.
As an autistic, ADHD person:
1. It absolutely should not take someone “that ‘weird’ kid might be autistic” for you to not be cruel. I don’t want ANYONE to be treated the way I was in school, including neurotypical people.
2. I am so entirely sick of bullying shitheads coming up with new and exciting reasons that their bad behavior is acceptable and justified and – apparently(???) laudable.
3. “You’re hurting people. Stop it.” should not be a controversial fucking statement.
4. If you are harming people because they’re not “normal”, you are a bad person. Yes, you. Look at your choices, do some self-reflection, and knock it the hell off.
3. “You’re hurting people. Stop it.” should not be a controversial fucking statement.
The “attention deficit” part of adhd is misleading imo because in my experience adhd is less “doesn’t have focus” and more “cannot control where the focus goes”
Forgot what you were doing because your brain zoomed way ahead and you were left scrambling to remember why you’re holding a dishtowel? Adhd
Looked up from your computer screen and realized you’ve been reading wikipedia articles about the mating habits of spiders for the past five hours and you haven’t eaten all day? Adhd
Can’t do the mildly intimidating task because every time you try to think about how to do it, your brain skitters away from the topic like a nervous mouse? Adhd
Didn’t do the dishes because you remembered them on the drive home but by the time you arrived you had already moved on to other topics? Adhd
Need to listen to a podcast while doing chores because neither task occupies enough of your attention to keep you engaged? Adhd
ifesbob 