This is such an abuser-disguised-as-a-quirky-parent vibe it literally makes me sick 2 look at lol
I am going to talk about this for a minute, because yeah I think OP really nails something here. A lot of really crappy parenting is often upheld as a cute or funny thing, and a lot of people in the comments are shitting on OP because they cannot imagine how it could possibly be abusive. It’s hard because you cannot see the rest of the context, but this could very well be an abuse tactic, and overall is just a crappy thing to do to a kid. Plus it probably doesn’t work and has negative consequences for the overall relationship.
I am going to address several things off of the bat. I am not saying that having your kid clean the kitchen is abusive, what I am saying is establishing a pattern of taking away good things preemptively to enforce “good” behavior is a bad parenting tactic that could toe the line to abuse. Especially the way it’s worded as if it’s a common tactic (need for a new photo), overall this is authoritarian, allows no room for autonomy, and doesn’t even really get at why the kitchen should be and needs to be cleaned today (what you actually want your kid to learn in the long run). There are better ways to communicate the message of shared responsibility than through the creation of social isolation (and yes this is social isolation, wifi is used in how humans particularly young people communicate with their friends in real life and online nowadays).
The major point I want to emphasize is that this type of action establishes a precedent and a set of emotions in a kid and none of those emotions are positive. It shows that important and vital things will be withheld, potentially without warning. It tells the kid they do not have a say in how their environment is structured, it tells them they do not have the right to set their own schedule, overall it breeds a sense of incompetence in themselves and resentment towards that authority that doesn’t really consider their desire and needs.
I reflect a lot on parenting, and the best parenting doesn’t demand a kid do something or else, it gives a kid the tools so they can get to that answer on their own, and when they do both of you will be better served. The kid will have more motivation to get it done, and there isn’t a building sense of resentment. Yeah this method is hard work, and there are situations and kids it doesn’t work for, but seeing this post out of context does give me bad parenting/potential abuse vibes.
Hey! Thanks a ton. Since making this comment offhandedly, I have gotten over fifty Anon messages telling me I’m a spoiled brat, that my abuse is fake, and that I should take my own life and stop being a burden on my abusive parents. People perceived my comment as “lol this is inherently abusive” rather than the “man this gives me the Willie’s cause it’s resonant to my own abuse.” I intended.
In that time, few people have stood up for me or even tried to understand my side. Thank you for having compassion for an abuse survivor instead of invalidating her. It legitimately means a lot to me.
Yeah this creeps me out on so many levels. It’s different from the stereotypical picture of abuse but that doesn’t make it any less abusive and it’s important to look at this sort of controlling behavior and call it abuse too.
This type of abuse is insideous, I’m glad to see others calling it out for what it is. I’ve heard variations on this where parents would “playfully” threaten to put the child up for adoption if their house was cleaned spotlessly by their children. Not the children’s rooms or even just a shared living space, no, the whole house.
As someone who has worked with youth and troubled teens for years, the primary reason I see teens “acting up” with their parents is because the parents aren’t treating the teen with respect and offering them an emotionally safe environment. The teens are rebelling for a damn good reason. It isn’t just “hormones.” There are times I wanted to punch parents in the throat for how they treated their teens. I would try to help clean up the mess but there are only so many times you can try to sit someone down and convince them that they are good and deserving of love and respect and aren’t a failure before you want to just go and tear their parents a new one for continually emotionally abusing their own child.
And many of these were “good families.” Families that looked “normal” and “healthy.” Ha ha. No I spit on that image of the classic authoritarian family structure.
This is called chores. Only kids who’ve never been abused and have been spoiled call this abuse
No love, this isn’t about having to do the work. Don’t confuse the issue. This fits the classic model of abuse. If you care to argue, please take it up with the DSM 5.
And just to clarify, you coming at me and the others on this thread with insults and a complete lack of respect for what has actually been said is not correct behavior. I don’t expect you to agree since you yourself are exhibiting the traits of someone who feels entitled to hurt and bully others to get your way.
Yes spoiled brat it is. Damn I envy you kids. You had it so good you think helping around the house is a form of abuse
What are you hoping to achieve with these insults? You’re ignoring what was said that it’s not about helping around the house and have been tracking down multiple people who have responded to this post to add harassing comments. It’s past the time for you to stop.
Why are you so spoiled you think you’re entitled to someone else’s things? The wifi isn’t yours brat. It’s the payer.
But you’ve never been abused so you have to convince everyone that good parenting is abuse
He literally thinks people arguing with him is abuse. More proof these people have never been abused
As somebody who was abused physically and emotionally all of my life: Everyone calling this abuse shut the fuck up and sit your spoiled asses down. Entitled brats.
Hey guys I was abused emotionally, physically, and sexually and I think this is abuse.
How? How is requiring them to do chore to access wifi (that they’re not paying for and its not a necessity or right) abuse?
Kids need internet access for their school work. Both my you gest siblings need yo have internet access to use their school assigned ipads to compelte assignments. With holding their ability to complete school work is abuse.
I’m in school. It’s not always a necessity. And I’m sure if the kid needed it the parent would give it but wifi is not a right or something, its a privelege otherwise being too poor for internet would be neglect
My youngest siblings are being raised by my grandmother and theyre with a ptogram paying 12 dollars a months for internet for their school work. Regardless its always creepy seeing things like this as a victim of child abuse. Yes chores are normal but this seems gross.
It’s just chores idk what could possibly be gross about it. If you don’t do what you’re asked you lose priveleges, simple.
I mean i guess kids that arent abused woyldnt be made uncomfortable by having no contact with the outside world.
Wifi isn’t the only way to contact the outside world. But also like if its not for like a long time, not being allowed contact with the outside world isn’t like super awful. It’s just being grounded. Thats how it works.
It’s the authoritarian manner of the note that makes it at the least toe the line of abuse. It’s not losing privileges or having to do chores. Also OPs point is just that it reminds them of their abuse… so like.
Now of course, it is possible the kid agreed to this. We know very little of the actual context, so it could both just be a fun, innocent way to get the kid to do chores, or it could be a small symptom of a much worse problem.
You can’t really deny that there could be something slightly or a lot more insidious about this than just doing chores though. I don’t think this is inherently abusive but neither does OP. That wasn’t really the point.
ifesbob 